Best day of my life (yet)

July 8th, 2008




[This is what I wrote yesterday in semi-zombie state:]
So, the day came. I thought it never would. At the beginning and during a long time, because it was so abstract and far away, "that day when -the unthinkable- I hand in my dissertation"... In the last months I was afraid that a day would never come when the "baby" was decent enough to hand it in. In the last days, I thought the day of LIBERATION and of being able to breathe again would never come. Or better, I thought it would come, but wasn't sure if I would survive to see it, hehehe.
But it came, wow. There are so many thoughts in my head, so many new feelings! everything mixed together with having been awake for 36 hours now... So much to tell, but maybe not today anymore.
I just wanted to tell you that it was a wonderful day, even if nothing much happened "other than handing it in". I didn't run out to do all those things I haven't been able to. But it was sunny and windy, and I sat at a terrace seeing the light turn from gold to pink and the sky go through every shade of deep blue to black.
Wow, the world looks new. Every little detail is so beautiful. Did someone use Vel Rosita?




I kept pinching myself mentally, to see if it was really happening. Actually, I still don't believe it completely.

Maybe I will go to sleep now, and when I wakeup, the dino-schell will still be there! with its 400 pages.



But before doing that, THANK YOU for reading and thinking of me and writing your comments. It helped me so much to know that I wasn't alone and that you were rooting for me.

This has been such an extraordinary time for me! I have learned so much, and I hope to remember it. I'll tell you more in the coming days about those things I learned.

PS. And when I woke up today, the 400 pp. were still there....
Wait, I better go and check.

NEW AND ABSOLUTELY LAST DATE: 08.07.08

THIS TIME IT'S FOR REAL!!!!!! I'M GOING FOR IT!!!!

I've slowed down again!

Just like the last "peak" before handing in in Pamplona, I'm really slow! as if there were lack of oxygen and high altitude, as if I can't feel my legs anymore... as if I had all the time in the world.
It's hard to run now, I don't know why.

Getting Closer

Correction!!!

Hi!
Well after thinking about it and talking to my dear sister, I AM GOING TO HAND IN ON THE 3RD.
NO MORE POSTERGATION (is that a word?)
I want to be finished, and that's that!

Again

Hi!
I talked to my professor again, and got three days more. The thing is, I kept wondering if it would be ok for him and how it would be a great difference for me to have them, and it was getting distracting, so I went and asked. The funny thing was, I almost didn't want to get more time. If I don't have more time, well then, I did what I could and it's done. With more time, I can do more... so it's like you're almost getting to the end of the marathon and then they tell you the finish line has moved further away...
The problem is that the professor was very nice and kind of said I can have more time if I want. I didn't realize the full meaning until I came out of his office, and I thought to myself that I don't want more time! So I'll just finish until Thursday, those three days more, and that's all. But guess what? Psychologically it's really bad not to have a clear finish line, and although I am going to try and hand in on the 3rd (new date), I can already see myself slowing up.
Anyways, I'm not going to think about dates, just go on, keep with my original plan and not bring any more things to do into it, and we'll see. And if it's the third, great, and if it's the fifth, also great. But not much longer than that. I'll go for the third and really hope to make it! In any case the end is very close, and I'm happy about that.
I'm almost there!!

PS. Lesson from yesterday's game: it ain't over till it's over, right?

Weight on shoulders

Ok, now that time is up to a week, I still have "the world" of things that I think would have belonged in the diss. You can't imagine how many little notes and pages full of notes I have, old ideas, new ideas, quotes, etc. Eduardo is right, it might be a temptation to think all of that is important. I know, it helped me get where I am now, and what is important now is to tell the story the way I see it today, even if some of that work does not come up. But still, I do have to kind of show how I got to my own opinion. I can't just list the things I read at the end, I have to refer to them within the work, right? The point is, it feels like "the world" on my shoulders. Or at least like a heavy cow.
But let's be realistic. What we have is what we have, this is the situation. It is one week before the deadline. I'll have to do some faking again, for the bibliography!
I will finish the fifth chapter tonight, whatever happens. Tomorrow: finish the fourth one and review the introduction. I have about half of the conclusions, and as I re-read the chapters for correction I will sum them up to complete the conclusions.
Well, anyways. A lot to do, but it's worth it, right? Just one more week and then....!GO Cow GO, you can make it, RUN!

Wonder Woman

Dear Juni,
You are right, I am a super hero!!! only today I was asking Buchheim about the German grading system (it's really strange: the highest note is 1, but they also have notes that are "0,5"...) He explained that those 0,5 or the like mean that you have done so well that it is beyond the normal scala. In other words, you have broken the scale! And I said: well, that's what my dissertation is going to be too! It's going to be AMAZING, you have no idea how great it's coming along. It is really great. Everything is coming into place and I will still be able to write the most important things down.

Wonder Marce against the Powers of Doom!

two weeks from today

I'm sorry to be always counting backwards. Since I already went through 5-3-1 day to go, this must sound repetitive and two weeks like a very long time. But it's not when it is the very last chance to say what you were trying to say all this time, and still haven't made up your mind on all points. Last chance to show that you were thinking about these questions for years... I don't know, I'm still a bit blocked by that perspective. I was able to ignore the fear by thinking that the version for Pamplona was not the last word, and I could still change things, so "just write". Now there's a kind of vertigo which I try to ignore but it makes me do everything but write... read, correct, organize the printing of the thesis... Then I was talking to another PhD student yesterday and stupidly I got thinking about the note, which is sad because I didn't use to care, really, I just wanted to finish. And now, suddenly, it seems important to get a good note. I think it's just more vertigo.
I guess I'm going to tell myself that it is NOT the last word, that I can change things and do things better before the publication. And it probably IS already good enough, I cannot see it at the moment, but it probably is. I'll just do the five things that I really want to do before turning it in, and everything else is in God's hands. The note, and the impression it makes on the professors, whether they hate it or not, and how that affects my future, and what that future is... all of that is not in my hands, right? So here I let it go... at least I'm trying to.
Please send me some confidence-and-trust-waves...

1 day gone with the wind

Hi.
I'm feeling really bad. After writing you that list of all that I still have to do, I thought I would wake up today in a hurry, but the day is gone and somehow I haven't really done much. I'm feeling very bad about myself.
Also, my bike got stolen, right in front of the university. My beautiful loyal bike! Gone. I am so angry about that!


With the dissertation I am overwhelmed by all that I would like to do at the same time, and I end up doing nothing. I have to go step by step and do the most effective work first. Right? According to the list. Not try to do all at once.
What I wanted to say is please don't stop praying for me because you think I'm finished already. I'm not, really.
Thank you. Just for 17 days.

Not over till it's over: 18 days

Hi my friends. I am still very happy that I was able to make that spanish deadline. But it's not over yet, and that's proving hard to accept. I was very happy and relaxed on Monday after having sent the baby to Pamplona. On Tuesday I made phone calls and wrote emails and organized stuff for the defense in September. Today I went to the university, bought some books from the old library (really good bargains! on books that would otherwise be extremely expensive), talked to my tutor... and wrote a little bit... but it's being very hard to get back on the road. My mind is already planning the trip to Pamplona... and I have to tell myself that these days, these few days until the 30th are the last ones: this is it! whatever I have thought and found and read during these years, and does not get on paper until then, is going to be definitely left out. And there is still a lot that I have to get on paper, especially now that I know where the story ends, and more or less how to get there! So it really is worth it! the last effort.
Anyways, I wanted to tell you the steps that I absolutely need to do before handing it in:
-finish writing Chapter V (two days).
-finish writing Chapter IV (one day).
-put in the corrections that I already marked for Chapter I and II.
-reread Chapter III and put in corrections (both of these one day).
-write the review of bibliography for the introduction, which means reading some articles that I still haven't read (four days - read and write right away)
-WRITE THE CONCLUSIONS* (two days)
-write the rest of Chapter I:
-overview of Schelling's book
-write about the edition of his manuscripts and put in a lot of material that I found in the archives: a manuscript, the letter from his son, the notes from his conferences.
-write about the time when he was writing this book, from his Diaries and Letters.
-ask the guy who reads the diaries for information
-write the information I already have (not new one) about Aristotle in XIXth Germany and the five or six people that Schelling quotes.
-review and actualize introduction (1 day)
-review the whole thing again (3 days)
-put in English corrections (1 day)
-format, print, check for typos again (1 day)
As you can see, it's still quite a bit! This last part, Chapter I, is a pity because I have a lot of material, but it's not strictly necessary, so I will leave it for the end. I will probably only have about two days for that... Oh oh... I checked again and I don't have time at all for this Chapter I!! mmmm I'm going to have to hurry up! it's good to realize that.
After being so close to the first deadline (5 days... 3 days... 1 day...) now 18 days felt like all the time in the world. Now I realize it's not much.

Ok, let's do this.


Please keep sending your support-waves my way, although I reached one deadline, the most important work is still to be done! THANKS ;-)

300

I once looked at this map and could not believe that my feet had walked every single step of the way (747 km). Today I printed out what I am sending to Spain, and I felt exactly the same way. Although in my mind I know that the fifth and the first Chapter are not finished, and that important bits are missing from the fourth one, and I do not even know anymore what the second one says, still I was amazed by the 300 pages that came out. How on earth was I able to type so many little signs?! Every single step of the way.
And then, even if I know I have to finish those parts, or otherwise some of it won't make any sense, the 300 pages are very imposing, and I was just in awe. Very happy, because I think the professors will not dare flunk anyone who was able even to type 300 pages... ha ha ha. Seriously, I am really happy and above all not scared anymore that I won't finish, and that makes me feel much more motivated for the three weeks left now than pressure or fear did. This has all been my work, my steps! And I just need to present it in the best possible light now, make the best flowers more visible, and it seems like the unthinkable is now close at hand...
Thank You God!!!!!!! And Thank You for Your Support!!!

4 days

Tired, slowing down... I wish I weren't! I have a lot of good ideas, but somehow the effect of pressure alone is not enough anymore. Should I drink red bull?

Thank you so much for cheering me on!! I'll just keep going, even if the pace is not the best one.

5 days now

I am trying to keep it simple and go directly to what I find interesting, to the things that I have found out (sometimes I don't realize them myself), to what I have thought about for such a long time. Like Beate said, choose the prettiest flowers for the bouquet. That's a good idea and I'm trying to keep it in mind. Five days to go! A lot still to write but I am pretty sure it can be done. It will be done.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

I think I can, I think I can...

Thank you so much all of you for your comments and support! It really helps me.
I'm starting to believe it can be done, turning something in, even if it has some holes and is not yet complete. That alone makes me feel much better, more enthusiastic and positive. Then again, it is really difficult to write something of which I am not so sure, and leave it like that, instead of re-checking the sources... but oh well... that's why I said I would "fake" wisdom.
Thanks to you, I think I can keep up the hope.

You're right, Daniel

Hi! Daniel, thank you for your comment! Your are right, I shouldn't be telling myself I'm mediocre. That was a strong word. But I am trying to see things differently so I can let go of perfectionism. So I was thinking: it is humanly impossible, if it took me circa 3 months to write each chapter, to want to write two chapters in a week. So much is clear. But it's not humanly impossible to "fake" two chapters in a week. That's the way I'm trying to see it. Then I have three more weeks to fill them up into real chapters and correct a lot. That's what I'm telling myself anyway.
Thanks for your support!!
I'll try and come back to base camp really soon. ;-)

Changing my mindset

I am trying to seriously and completely leave behind the image I had of the "perfect dissertation" that has been looming in my mind for years! And which causes me to panic when I see myself in the always-imagined-situation of "the end" of that also imagined "perfect dissertation". So I am thinking of writing just a paper, just trying to cover as much ground as possible, above all to give it the appearance of a finished, complete and sufficient thing. This is not "that" dissertation!
And I was thinking that I need to be more practical and ruthless ("hacer de tripas corazon") in just leaving things out that I had always planned to include, and really just be a little mediocre... so to speak. No! you see, there it is creeping in again: not just "so to speak", but really dare to be mediocre.
I am hoping for a little of my cultural background from school in Mexico to come to my rescue... just hand something in and fake it a little bit if you have to.

10 days left

Struggling, tired, wind, ice, almost there, but no strength left...
nevertheless there is a ROPE. I can't fall and die.
To tell you the truth I don't feel that great. My confidence is wobbling. I'm trying to think: just hand anything in on the 9th, and then we'll see about all those things left to check, read, quote, etc. Just give something in on the 9th. But I reread what I have of my fourth chapter yesterday and it is not "final text". Now I'm going to change some paragraphs, put some in a more logical order and try to make the text more readable and clear. Some parts of Schelling's book I'm just going to have to skip. I know that 10 days is still a lot of time! It's not nothing! But I'm starting to panic...

I don't want to exagerate or be melodramatic. But I have been wanting to write here that God is that rope that I have, and if I ever make it out of this mountain alive, it will be thanks to him. Just wanted to say that.

Bye! see you on the top, then we can celebrate.

Rastaschelling

I wasn't able to post the song, so you'll just have to imagine it as you did with Walkyrien.
Ok, I too will have to imagine it.
Thank you, spanish outsideworld... ;-)

The deadly cliffs

Hello, here I am with less than two weeks now. I am trying to follow my Dad's advice to keep focused on the target and not to look at any obstacles or think I'm going to fall down the cliff on both sides of the road... It does feel like I'm going downhill very fast and should not stop to think about falling down. The way I translate this is whenever I think "two weeks" in connection with that platonic idea of a dissertation that I have been carrying around in my head for like 8 years or so (!!!), then I am already falling down a very steep and deadly cliff. I could die! "THAT famous dissertation that has been my "life-goal" for so long".... + "only two weeks"??? are you kidding me?
So I am trying to forget that platonic idea altogether, and see what I am writing now as just another "paper" to finish, with this and that point left to explain and fill in.
As for THAT famous immortal dissertation... maybe I will write it some other time.

Thank you for your support. Your messages are my only connection to the outside world now... ;-)

Y ahora quiero mandar un saludo a mi abuelita... no, a la Nena. Don't look at the cliff! Just reach the bottom of the mountain: hand it in without the mathematical solution! can't you do that?

With eyes closed

Hi!
I realize today that it's been a week since I last wrote. Well, that week has not been so great... and you know, I think it has to do with the weather. Since Thursday it's been cloudy and raining again, and everything seems slower, more difficult... maybe I'm just tired. The thing is, I still want to finish this thing, but it's now only two and a half weeks and the voices in my mind say it's not humanly possible to have it ready. They keep making lists of all that I still have to do and won't have time for, and that doesn't let me concentrate properly.
So see here you voices: I am not listening to you anymore. Say what you want. All those things still left to do I can put in afterwards, in June. Right now it's only about writing, only quotes from Schelling and maybe Buchheim, but really only "Schelling and I". After I hand it in in Pamplona we can see about all the other details, quotes, explanations, etc. Ok? Did I make myself clear?

Yes, my friends, maybe I am becoming a little crazy, but hopefull I can get back to normal after a while...
Now to write with eyes (and ears) closed...

staying alive

Hi! Just signing in to tell you that I live, and am trying very desperately to finish and close the third Chapter. It's stealing time from the others!! but it's almost done and came out pretty well, I think. But I'm really worried about the ones missing. Please send your support... Little more than three weeks now! until the deadline for Pamplona...

much better now

Do you guys know what that man in Pi did not do? He did not go to the gym, at least not as far as we viewers could tell. So that was his mistake! ha ha
Seriously, today I was still very "überdreht", "pasada de rosca", English? And it was not a nice feeling and especially it was not helping me write, so I went to the gym and it was great. Now I'm very relaxed so I feel I can begin again, motivated but relatively calm at the same time. So I guess it's like a pot of boiling soup: take it away from the stove just before it spills over, and then put it on the stove again. And again. At least that's the way I do it.
Well, just wanted to let you know.
Bye!

too much brain activity?

Hi my friends! Things are going good. I am really nervous now and willing to do my best, everything else can wait or go to hell! And the past two days have been really good, I've written some pages and have been working really intensively. It's like my brain is doped! and I read everything fast, am very concentrated, think clearly... but almost too much... I'm kind of hysterical, actually, can only thinkg about the problem I'm writing about, etc. That is all fine, since it's just one month now. However, I have had a headache all day today. It feels like it's really coming from too much brain activity... every bit of info is dancing around in my head and connecting with the other bits in many different patterns... So I think I should try to relax a little bit, because there is a point where I'm too hysterical to be writing the arguments step by step and would like to just do everything simultaneously. That and the headache...
Do you remember the movie Pi? I'm not a mathematical genius trying to think the name of God, but it feels remotely like that...

The Battle of Puebla

How must Ignacio Zaragoza have felt? Well I have no idea at the moment of the circumstances before the battle or whether he was very sure of himself or what the deal was, but there he was against one of the most powerful nations of the time... Was it a miracle that we won?
Anyway. I said that the deadline for the contest was in two months, but actually it's only one... In exactly one month I have to send to Spain at least a decoy of a dissertation. That means it must at least look like it's finished!
I am very motivated and plan to give my very best (and last) effort, but it is quite scary. Like the whole French army coming in my direction...
Oh well, here goes nothing:
"Montjoie! Saint-Denis!!"... (sorry, that was the other side... he he.. what would have been our battlecry?)

What an amazing coincidence!!!

Hi everyone!
Ok, I really did get more clarity on thetopics of "subject" and "matter" (on the "subject matter" of the chapter). I had a good conversation with an Aristotelianfriend, like Eduardo suggested, and that helped me straighten out my ideas. So there are no more excuses. I plan to have it really finished on Thursday. So I will be posting then to tell you the good news.
The other thing that is really exciting, I can't believe my luck!
I was looking at the newspaper, which I don't do very often lately, and I saw an ad for a contest. They are looking for contestants that are willing to try and write something about a certain strange topic. You get two months and the topic, and from those who finish, the one with the best paper wins a great prize.
Guess what the topic is??!! Schelling and Aristotle! How amazing is that! So I practically have all the advantage over the other people, because I have already done so much research on the subject, and thought about it for so long.
Wow!
And guess what the prize is? Whoever wins gets a trip to Mexico, a trip to Spain and! the chance to teach philosophy together with Prof. Thomas Buchheim in Munich...
Isn't this incredible coincidence?
So I just called and registered myself. The finish line is two months from tomorrow...
On your marks, set... go!!
Please root for me, ok?
;-)

A bit more clarity

Hi! Thanks for your suggestions and cheering for me!!
I have more clarity on the subject of matter and of the "subject" now, at least enough to keep writing. I was afraid there for a moment that I had gotten it all wrong since the beginning and hadn't understood Schelling at all! But now I think I solved it, for the time being.
Today I found some interesting articles that I had already read a long time ago. Luckily I had also marked and classified them, so I was able to find interesting bits of information without re-reading them... In one of them, actually not an article but a letter from Schelling to his son, I found a clue that I had been understanding the problem correctly after all.
So that was good. Also I know now exactly which articles I still had there in my old archives, and which I still need to look for, only three or four.
Ok, no more batteries. Good night!

Matter

Hi!
This chapter has gotten fat. One important concept of Aristotle that Schelling uses is that of "matter" and now I have realized I have to explain it here, write now. As long as I'm already in this part of the dissertation.
It really belongs here because of the context. But it's very complicated, I need to look at bibliography to do it, and I don't know if I should just leave it for later. Pro: I don't get stuck in this one chapter. Con: if I leave it for later I will have forgotten a lot of what I have in mind at the moment, plus I don't know if I will have time later at all.
My cold is not magically going away...

Still sick

Hi my friends. Just saying hi.
I'm still out with a cold. It's really too bad, because I haven't felt well enough to keep up the rhythm, and am afraid of falling off the horse again. No! that can't happen now.
So I was lucky to get a doctor's appointment later today. Only I will probably just get some herbs, the way they like it in this noble country... haha.
Still, I don't want to stop writing because it is so hard to come back once you stop.
Also I might go talk to my "doctoral father", as he is called here, about the deadlines and some questions I have regarding the organization of my chapters. He seems to have very little time nowadays, but I think it's better to ask and get some feedback from him.
I hope you are all doing great!
Thanks for the music suggestions...

Da-da-da dáá da

The Walkyries in honor of Schelling and Edu...
only sung with a sduffed dose because I have a cold... regreddably...
I am sdill drying do finish thad Chapder 3!
Ready?

Da-da-da dáá da
Da-da-da dáá da
Da-da-da dááá

Da-dáa da-da-da-da-dáá da-da-da-dá dá-dá da-da-dáá

Cold remedies suggesdions also welcome (gallegos)

This week's winner

At the moment the best musical piece to write is:
Piano ConcertoNo. 4 in C minor, Op. 44, 2. Allegro Vivace-Andante-Allegro
from Camille Saint-Saens

Keep sending your proposals...
;-)

Prost

Hi. I just wanted to say hello. The best time of the day is starting, when everything is quiet here and I can drink my tea without looking out for any spies, ha ha. It is when I can concentrate most, so I drink to your health and write on (right on!) On Sunday this chapter must be ready, and I MUST move on to chapter IV.

Suggestions

Hi, I'm writing already. That is good. It's hard. Do you guys have any suggestions for music that:
a) has no words
b) is relatively fast and kind of "uplifting"?
That would be very great.
So far I have some fast Schubert and a couple of jazz songs, some pieces by Vivaldi and probably the best: Chopin's Polonaise in A Flat "Heroic"... just to give you an idea of what I mean.
Maybe I should look for marches and military music, haha...
Bye!!
PS. Of course, I meant "music for writing": it helps keep a certain pace and marching on...

My cell

Here they are at last, some photos of my cell so you can picture it. It's quite all-write, but I don't have that much time left in it!
On the left you see my files, the post-it system of visualizing the structure and the plastic paper that sticks to the wall, a great invention! So that is why I'll miss having walls available in the library. Sorry about the mess. On the right you see what is behind me as I write, a shelf with books and a window so they can check if I'm not drinking tea, which I am, of course. Ha ha ha! Fooled them...
And this is the view, the best part of the cell because I can even open the window!! and get some very fresh air in here. Also there is a lot of light because it's facing south. And you can see that spring is here.
Well, I shouldn't complain, right? write?

A little too early

Hi!
I promised I would see you today at eight. Well, I'm a bit early, as you can see, because here it's 7.33... pm! No, I actually meant am yesterday. But I was kind of sick, and I ended up coming to my "cell" here very late. Still, I have some hours of work ahead of me until midnight, so that is just what we have "write now".
Bye!

Right

Today I had the problem that "write" also sounds like "R I G H T . . . "
I was feeling very relaxed, which is good after the weekend where I got stressed out, but too relaxed, as in losing-touch-with-the-reality-and-speed-of-time-relaxed. But oh well, here I am sitting in my little cell. I just sent the second Chapter to Prof. Llano so he can "get a head start" reading the dissertation while I finish writing it, ha.
Oops. I am realizing that I haven't written much today. That makes me sad, because I had great hopes for the day.
On the subject of hope I wanted to share with you a prayer that I heard and which is now taped on the wall in front of me. I find it a very good way to start the day with hope:

"Thank you for what will happen today that will make me grow".

And then, when you say it a couple of times, you get all excited about the good things about to happen which you don't imagine yet. Great, no?
See you tomorrow at 9. I promise.

Write away!

While looking for a translation for the German expression "schreib los!" I came upon this idea: "write away!" and found it pretty good as my new motto because of the word play it has.
Ha ha!
So I will write away right away...
Thank you Ana and Enrique ;-)

Tricks?

Hi everyone. I haven't posted because those descriptions of the winter courses ended up taking two whole days. At last I have finished all those arrangements and am trying to just write, write, write. I realize now that a lot of the time spent on this Chapter has been on questions that are not so crucial to the dissertation! They interest me a lot but if they are not part of the paper it's still ok. So now I have to really just do the things that I definitely have to include. I have to be minimalistic.
The other thing is that I'm kind of afraid of writing... which is why I always try to re-read, make schemes, re-make schemes, write notes, etc Because I sincerely and truly feel that I need those before I can write. But I have to be able to write without so much preliminaries or I won't finish. Does anyone know any tricks to overcome that kind of fear?
I wish you all a very nice weekend. And congratulations Martha and Luis!!!

Hope

I am feeling more hopeful and although I still don't work like the little machine I would like to be at this time, I feel better. It might actually and amazingly be possible to finish on time! The new official deadline is June 30th. Which means I would have to be finished writing at the beginning of June in order to make the most necessary corrections.
I have been re-digesting my latest outline of the Chapter and reading the parts that I had already written. No more re-reading Schelling, sorry old man, until I have written what I know right now, and fast! before I forget it once again! So I'm going to just write the parts that are missing and use what I have.
That will have to go on on Friday though, because tomorrow I have to do a day's work on those winter seminars. But tonight I still have about an hour and a half, so good bye.
And thank you for reading this! You give me hope!

Help!

Hi! I'm not falling off the horse but I'm seeing that those steps take longer than I thought. I am still not finished with re-reading and am starting to question that idea. I realize that I tend to want to read too much and have every little argument in mind before I dare to write anything. But then I read so much that by the time I have to write I already forgot it! Or I have made a plan that is too intricate. So maybe I should just write what I know now and complete it afterwards with some quotes, instead of trying to note everything again and then write...
What do you think? I hate to change the plan but I have to be flexible and look at the calendar!

With full steam

Hi, it's Monday morning and I'm very motivated to go on with those steps. Yesterday I ended up not working... but the good news is that I had a long conversation with the spanish tutor, finally, and we agreed on a lot of questions that I had, so I feel reassured.
I also have to write some things for my winter term seminars, but I'll try to do that as fast as possible and at the end of the day.
A big hug,

Sitting up on the saddle

Ok, I did do some work today after all. But not all that I had to do today according to those steps I sent you. Maybe I can do more tomorrow, now I am going home in a little while.
Have a good night, I know you are out there!

Holding on to the tail

Ok, it's not eight o' clock. So I guess I'm not sitting upright on the horse yet, but I'm here so I must be hanging on by the tail... at least that is something.
I'm getting to work on those steps right now. A good news is that I got an email from my professor in Spain, who was missing in action. So now I can clear some questions with him. Yay! Bye!

Back on the horse

Hello loved ones,
I am back on the horse. Hopefully I won't fall down so fast again...
So I have reviewed what I had on Chapter III. It's quite a bit. I also remember now the changes that I wanted to make to simplify its structure. Now the steps to follow are:

1) finish writing a brief outline of Schelling's argumentation -tomorrow-
2) make my own outline which should simplify Schelling's and schematize it (spanglish?) -tomorrow-
3) WRITE along the dotted line -sunday & monday & tuesday-
4) check Buchheim's book on the subject to complete any gaps and put in some quotes -wednesday-
5) complete with a couple other books on the subject that I already have
All this until Thursday the 10th. -thursday-

Then on the 11th I have to write the descriptions of my courses for next semester. But I will leave that till the last minute (they are due on the 12th... !).

Thanks for your support! See you tomorrow at 8:00!

Pressure

Hi my friends.
Although I took the decision and I really want to just finish, right now (and the whole of today) I just feel a very big pressure, like a mountain on my shoulders. I have forgotten where I was in the process of Chapter III and don't know where to continue... it's like far away, even though it's only been two weeks (between Easter and preparing the meeting with my professor, I haven't really come back into the topic yet).
So those are the facts today. I also went to the doctor because I'm having "real pains in the neck"... ;-)
But I just need to go back tomorrow, sit down with my printouts and decide again on the steps to follow in order to finish the chapter as soon as possible, in no longer than a week! I will write tomorrow and tell you what those steps are going to be.
Thanks and good night!

Gracias (with "c" as "th")

Grathias, Maria!! How is the singing?

thanx

Thanks, Ana and Felix!

Decision

Ok, so I have taken the decision again. I will hand in my dissertation on June 30th (and send it to Spain on that date). This means I have to "mentalize myself" for three months of very hard work. I had done that last summer and stopped going to the movies, going out with people, etc, and then I thought I needed more balance, but now I think three months will not kill me. I will strive for balance but in a very concentrated way where the top priority is simply finishing the dissertation. It has been long enough. I need to come out of this limbo, and the way to do it is to finish this cycle and begin a new one...
Please think of me! Every time you comment it gives me a shove in the right direction.
Thank you for your support!

Monday Monday

Hi everyone. A special greeting for Danny Boy, my faithful fan who turned 2 years old a couple of days ago. (Here: Fanfarrias del Tio Gamboín).
I went to talk to Buchheim but we didn't finish discussing the deadlines. I have to make a decision whether it is possible for me to really hand in the Dissertation in three months. If I take into account the speed I have had until now: it's not possible. Is it possible to change that speed? Up to now I haven't been able to... Is that because the decision and the determination were not yet strong enough? Should I just try anyways? If I think I'm "just trying" it won't work. Am I capable of such determination, and is that the only factor or should I be more realistic?
These are the questions on my mind today. I have to call Buchheim tomorrow and discuss the dates with him.
The good part is: we are going to hold a kick-ass Seminar together in the winter term!

Saturday

A little later as planned, but here I am on a beautiful Saturday morning...
Today I still have to look for some bibliography for my meeting with the professor, but I will come later to get back to work on the dissertation. Have a nice day!

Oops

Hi! One more day has gone by, and I haven't really done what I "promised" almost a week ago! I am meeting with my professor on Monday and we have to discuss what I am going to teach next semester, so I have been looking for some bibliography in order to bring him a concrete proposal. So today I wasn't very schellingian, but at least it had to do with Aristotle, the other guy in the game. Also, I have been getting here pretty late the last days. But tomorrow I will post a morning greeting at 9:45 at the latest. So I'll see you then! gute Nacht...

Struggling to come back

Hi, I hope you are having a good Easter. I am having a hard time getting back into the subject and work routine... oh well, there's nothing to do but keep trying, I guess. And freshen up in my mind all that I already have for this chapter III. I need to finish in a few days! So wish me luck, I'll need it.
A big hug for you,

See you soon

Hi! Today I got here at a decent time, reviewed that scheme of Chapter III and compared it with other schemes that I already had. (I actually have been working a lot on the scheme of this chapter, I realize). It looks pretty good now, like I finally have a clearer idea of what it needs to contain and above all of the order in which to explain the different parts. Hopefully!
The next step is to check on my notes the order in which Schelling himself argues these points, because it does not have to be the same order that I use: in fact, I must simplify and stop following his arguments and explanations literally, because that is too complicated. I had been following him too closely and that is what had gotten me stuck with this chapter. So I will make a quick overview of his order (Sunday night) and then decide what points to change so that my order will be clear and logical (sorry, old man). In other words, I have to adapt his arguments to the scheme I posted yesterday, and not my scheme to his arguments!
Today I realized how much I have on this chapter already, so after that overview I will probably just write according to the scheme! following my notes and trying not to re-read Schelling (tip from Nena), just write down what I already know, before going on and reading or re-reading anything. This will be on Monday afternoon.
Now I'm leaving already, going to buy some food and to pack, because I'm leaving for two days. I hadn't planned on leaving because I thought I had to work every waking minute, ha, but I think I need some rest and some time in silence. Above all, I am hoping to experience the Resurrection! so I want to make the time and space to really live these days. Well, I am not going far, just to a monastery here in the city, but I'm a little scared because I've never been there and don't know the nuns, we'll see. It all came very spontaneously and I think it will be good. It's only for two days anyway, so I'm exagerating a little. The library is closed till Tuesday but I'll write you on Sunday. I wish you all a very good Easter!! And thank you for your support, it really touches me.

In a hurry

Thanks for your comments. I did what I had planned: finished re-reading old chapter IV and made a scheme of Chapter III. It is not perfect yet and I will have to review it tomorrow, but here it is:

After reviewing my old Chapter IV,

Chapter III needs:

- To present rational science as a movement in general from being (and God) as a total reality towards being as individual actuality, that is, from potentiality/materiality towards actuality.

1) We have already seen (in Chapter II) how the rational science is supposed to depart from the true principle of reason, so first this principle must be found. Then the rational science will be that science of pure autonomous reason. The paradox is that the pure rational science searches for what truly exists.

2) - This movement is inspired on Plato in respect to the search for a principle of reason [Potencies of being as possible principles]

3) -but also and especially on Aristotle. The Metaphysics of Aristotle is namely the science that investigates principles but also substance, that which truly is [what is being?]. This is the difference with Plato, and the reason that Aristotle is Schelling's main partner here: the focus on substance and actuality. [This influence appears even at the stage of pure thought, with Schelling's interpretation of the principle of non-contradiction out of which he obtains simple elements that are necessarily thought in a sequence and are related as contraries to each other, implying a subject to which they are attributes.]

4) The search for substance is emphasized by Schelling in relation to the critique of the Dialecticians that only talk about subjects and predicates in a logical sense without going further towards what truly exists [Haplâ].

5) as a movement towards that which truly exists and is at the same time principle, the rational science can be described as a search, as an experience, as experiment or attempt, and as a progressive awakening:

6) brief presentation of the 3 stages: pure thought, rational science, crisis/transition.

7) in each of these stages, "actuality" is understood in a different way and plays a different role.

8) each of its stages means a clearer conscience of what is merely potential or material and what is actual; the movement of reason progresses through an elimination of material elements, because what truly is must be actual, individual and separable, unlike matter which is indeterminate, universal, potential and non-separable.

9) "matter" is applied by Schelling not only to sensible matter but also to all concepts and predicates which are universal, indeterminate, potential and cannot exist on their own. So he establishes a parallel between Aristotle's concept of matter and these rational contents. Both must be overcome towards pure individual actuality that is not a concept anymore. This kind of movement is based by Schelling on the Metaphysics of Aristotle understood as a search for what is truly substance, progressively leaving matter and potentiality behind. The concepts that he takes from Aristotle and the way he interprets them will be discussed in the following Chapter.

Now I have to run, see you tomorrow!
lots of love,
m

Signing in

Hi! it's not 9.30 but it's 10.00 and I already checked my email, so it's straight to work!
Thank your for your comments and support, it makes me truly happy to hear from you.
Laurita: to comment you can choose the option "Name/url" and just give your name.
See you later, alligators...

This is great

Dear readers,
you are already helping me a lot! Today, although I said I would catch up on the time I lost by coming late, I still had an appointment with Alexander, the Jesuit, and then I had to go get my bike from the shop, so the day was almost gone and I hadn't done much. Then I read your messages! and realized that I still had to read my old chapter IV! because, as Lucie said, it is very important right now. So instead of going home I did read half of it, and it's not that bad, actually. That means I will be able to use most of it. Yay!
So tomorrow's plan: I sign in at 9:30 at the latest. I read the rest of the old chapter IV. And I write a new scheme of Chapter III for you guys.
I won't be posting during the Holy Days, but I'll tell you more about that tomorrow.
Gute Nacht!

A little late today

Hi! Yesterday I said I would go to mass and to the gym. I did both. Yay! But I also realized I was very tired from having slept too little on the weekend. Resolution for this week: go to bed early! and eat healthier. I have been feeling very tired and I think I have to pay attention to those two things. The thing is, I got up late today, took a very long time to have breakfast (CNN and the BBC still haven't shown anything on Latin America-Irak is in a terrible state-Daniel Barenboim is a cool guy-China and the Dalai Lama hate each other-the world is pretty depressing after all and some things make me very angry) and get ready, and finally showed up at my micro office at 13:30. Still, if I stay a little later, I can get some work done.
A good thing: I got a letter from my prison friend, Manuel. He was so nice and supportive! He is going to be praying for me so I can finish on time. That gave me a lot of hope. At least some more hope. (He has been fasting on Lent - the guy is so thin already because of an illness - and with the stamps that I sent him through someone, he was able to buy chocolate but is saving it for Easter Sunday).
Anyways, my blog tells me today that I should re-read my old Chapter IV and decide what Chapter III needs to contain. So I am going to do that right now. It's a good thing that I don't have to start by wondering what to do next, because it is already written here for all to see...
The sun is shining, which we hadn't seen in a few days. So that is also a great energizer.
A big hug to you all, on sand or snow.

The situation

Hi! Let me tell you the actual situation of my dissertation. I finished Chapter II in January and then I had to prepare for my exposition in the seminar with the professors and the other students. I had been re-reading the "DRP", the book that I work on, and after the exposition I decided to stop and write what I had up to that point, before I went on reading. What has happened in the last month is that this "quick writing" of what I had has been getting confusing and is taking a long time. I'm stuck! Partly because I was trying to explain too much, so I then re-wrote the index of Chapter III to simplify it. But I also realize that, since I stopped reading the DRP, I do not have the whole picture in mind, only the first third of that book, so I am probably being too detailed and too focused on the part what I re-read lately. Therefore I am thinking of finishing reading the book before I go on with anything else. I did not want to do that in fear that it would mean leaving what I have of Chapter III unfinished and then having to come back. But to be honest, I am not even sure of what I need to have in this Chapter III, how much is necessary and how much would be superfluous. So today I started re-reading the version of Chapter IV that I have, and then I will realize how much I need in Chapter III as a preparation for Chapter IV! At one point I also considered eliminating Chapter III altogether, because the most important Chapter is the fourth one. But someone advised me to keep it.
This is the thing: Chapter IV is the main one because I explain each of the concepts that Schelling is taking from Aristotle. But Chapter II deals with the concept of God in a general way, so I need a transition from II to IV in which it becomes clear what Schelling is attempting to do and how he understands his rational science, so that it will be clearer why he needs Aristotle. Then in Chapter IV I go into detail into the particular way he uses Aristotle. But the need for Aristotle and not, say, Plato or Kant, still has to be addressed. So I do need Chapter III, even if some of the points will have to be repeated in Chapter IV. Maybe it's ok because it will be under a different perspective: III says "Schelling wants x, y, z" and Chapter IV says "notice how a, b, c from Aristotle are perfect when you need x, y, z". Right?
I remembered today that Buchheim once suggested writing Chapter IV first because then I would know what I need to have in the third one... I will consider it after I re-read the DRP.
So the plan for tonight is going to mass and then to the gym. I need that! Will I make it? Tune in tomorrow to find out...
The plan for tomorrow is to re-read Chapter IV and decide on the points that I would need in Chapter III and write the schema for it, leaving aside all that is not necessary! And, since the library will be closed over Easter, I also have to decide what to take home and what work to do, if at all. I'll tell you about that later...
Ok, see you tomorrow.

Wel come gallegos

Welcome to this new blog that I am starting as an "accountability tool". I read today a very good article for PhD students that need help writing their dissertation. They mention a kind of coaching offered by students who have just finished their PhD to those still struggling with it. They both meet on a weekly basis. The one who is writing reports on what she did the previous week, hands in some pages and they decide together what the next step will be. This is the way my old professor Nubiola used to work with his students. I wish today I had someone to coach me like that, someone who had already gone through this process. Since I don't, I thought I could try to coach myself, and have this blog as "accountability tool" for all of you to see. I have actually been thinking of this idea for quite some time, but thought it could become a further distraction. Now I think it's worth a try.
Here I will post at the end of each day what I have accomplished and what is due the next day, and you can see if I did what I had planned. At the end of each week I will post some pages or the like, and will decide on a work plan for the following week. I would be really grateful for your comments and opinions, and especially for rooting for me. You're welcome to poke me or scold me or correct my English! It feels somewhat rusty... but it will also be good practice so that is why I will write in English.
Thank you!!