I'm sorry to be always counting backwards. Since I already went through 5-3-1 day to go, this must sound repetitive and two weeks like a very long time. But it's not when it is the very last chance to say what you were trying to say all this time, and still haven't made up your mind on all points. Last chance to show that you were thinking about these questions for years... I don't know, I'm still a bit blocked by that perspective. I was able to ignore the fear by thinking that the version for Pamplona was not the last word, and I could still change things, so "just write". Now there's a kind of vertigo which I try to ignore but it makes me do everything but write... read, correct, organize the printing of the thesis... Then I was talking to another PhD student yesterday and stupidly I got thinking about the note, which is sad because I didn't use to care, really, I just wanted to finish. And now, suddenly, it seems important to get a good note. I think it's just more vertigo.I guess I'm going to tell myself that it is NOT the last word, that I can change things and do things better before the publication. And it probably IS already good enough, I cannot see it at the moment, but it probably is. I'll just do the five things that I really want to do before turning it in, and everything else is in God's hands. The note, and the impression it makes on the professors, whether they hate it or not, and how that affects my future, and what that future is... all of that is not in my hands, right? So here I let it go... at least I'm trying to.
Please send me some confidence-and-trust-waves...
