I'm sorry to be always counting backwards. Since I already went through 5-3-1 day to go, this must sound repetitive and two weeks like a very long time. But it's not when it is the very last chance to say what you were trying to say all this time, and still haven't made up your mind on all points. Last chance to show that you were thinking about these questions for years... I don't know, I'm still a bit blocked by that perspective. I was able to ignore the fear by thinking that the version for Pamplona was not the last word, and I could still change things, so "just write". Now there's a kind of vertigo which I try to ignore but it makes me do everything but write... read, correct, organize the printing of the thesis... Then I was talking to another PhD student yesterday and stupidly I got thinking about the note, which is sad because I didn't use to care, really, I just wanted to finish. And now, suddenly, it seems important to get a good note. I think it's just more vertigo.I guess I'm going to tell myself that it is NOT the last word, that I can change things and do things better before the publication. And it probably IS already good enough, I cannot see it at the moment, but it probably is. I'll just do the five things that I really want to do before turning it in, and everything else is in God's hands. The note, and the impression it makes on the professors, whether they hate it or not, and how that affects my future, and what that future is... all of that is not in my hands, right? So here I let it go... at least I'm trying to.
Please send me some confidence-and-trust-waves...
2 comments:
Marce,
You can do it! Remember the boats, remember the 40-20 rule and write, write, write, right away.
I really liked Eduardo's comments, I think they nail it on the spot. Beware of the temptations and write, write, write.
We are all thinking of you!
Ana.
Marce come on, from your last 2 blog entries i could think that this is a novel who's main character is "Marce the Anti-hero", i mean first your bycicle gets stolen; which is actually kinda funny as you used to have a huge lock for it, and now it seems like your character has to fight an enemy and it's terrible scared without knowing that you have so much capacity to beat him or even that you already have, but you just don't see it yet.
So, as this is your blog and your life, do me a favour and turn your character into a HERO, with all its attributes, e.g. confidence in knowing he's #@$%*^ awesome and nothing can stand in his way 'cause he's never wrong... and all those other attributes we all love about our heroes, that you have.
Keep on trucking, love
Juan Pablo
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